Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Of Manilow and Jesus Statues

My father never could stand my music. Of course, Dad never got out of the 50's and 60's either. That's okay... it was his generation. And each generation is entitled to their music. If my much older brother or I played something he didn't like he would holler, "Turn down that mumbo jumbo!" Difference was, I had much better tastes in music than the aforementioned sibling. Having said that, I thought it would fun to list ten of my favorite "nails on a chalkboard" songs. Keep in mind, opinions are like noses... nearly everybody has one. This is for fun, not to step on anybody's toes. But these are the tunes I have to turn off if they come on the radio. I would rather drop a bowling ball on my toe than be exposed to some of them. So here we go:

10. God You Reign - Lincoln Brewster
A perfectly wonderful praise and worship song, completely annihilated by a cutesy kid at the end reciting, "Gawd... you wain." Talk about breaking the anointing!

9. Waterloo - ABBA
It's ABBA... 'nuff said.

8. Holes in the Floor of Heaven - Steve Wariner
Despite the obvious theological flaws (God is watching out for us, not Grandma) there couldn't possibly be holes in heaven's floor. Jesus was a carpenter.

7. Daybreak - Barry Manilow
Perhaps the only 70's pop hit that made "Splish Splash" seem as if it were written by a Rhodes Scholar. It can be daybreak, if you wanna believe - it can be daybreak, ain't no time to grieve...
Catchy, but pointless.

6. This is the Stuff - Francesca Battistelli
I know I'm going to take extra grief for this one, and believe me - I think she's a fine young lady. But this song gives me the willies.

5. Angry American - Toby Keith
Watch your language, Toby. We're not impressed by a small mind trying to express itself forcibly through profanity and hatred.

4. 800 Pound Jesus - Sawyer Brown
We would be much better off worshiping the Creator, rather than a chunk of concrete supposedly made in His son's image. Besides, the lyrics sound like they were written by a 5th grader.

3. Light My Fire - The Doors

2. Crimson and Clover - Tommy James
It's bad enough that the song doesn't make sense, but when they do that thing with the effects where it sounds like they're gargling with small pebbles, eeew!

And finally....

1. Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus
If only for the fact that if Billy Ray hadn't scored a big hit, we may never have had Hannah Montana.