Sunday, March 20, 2011

Minding My Mind

It's not easy being me. When God created man and woman, he made us very complex and sometimes downright confusing. Obviously, He knew what He was doing, but there are times I wonder why. Why did He create me to see object lessons in every little thing? Why do I still question His divine will, when He has proven Himself faithful time and time again? Why do I still hurt when He has blessed me in a thousand ways that most people will never experience?

I think I'll save the details for my private journal this time around... but suffice it to say that spending a weekend with hundreds of Christian teens performing at Fine Arts Festival had a profound impact on me in ways that are impossible to put into words. Until you've traveled the road that I've traveled, and lived out the experiences I've had over the past 14-plus years, you just... don't... get it. That's not a criticism, it's a fact. Just as we may sympathize with the hurting, starving and homeless around the world, you just can't get it unless you've been there.

I watched the sons and daughters of some of my amazing Pastor friends excel in the arts and pick up awards for their hard work and dedication to God. I was truly thrilled for them and their parents. But it tore my heart to shreds at the same time. It's a dichotomy I can't fully explain to most. One or two of you who know me best may understand... my friends who are part of the club we never asked to join.

You know, sometimes facts are just facts. Things are the way they are for no other reason that this... God is on the throne, and He knows what He's doing. I only wish that sometimes I could not only wrap my head around that truth, but my heart as well.

If there's an object lesson out there that shows the way, let me know.